guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
