went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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