when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
