Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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