last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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