"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
