you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
