i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your cock deserves a montage
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
