I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
