Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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