FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
