He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize