My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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