She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
