my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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