I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
