I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
