Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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