Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
