Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
