Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
