I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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