Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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