I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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