Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
