so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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