Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
