it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
