i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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