sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
