I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
