Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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