So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
