Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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