the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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