I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
