Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
