I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
