I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
