no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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