That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
