to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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