sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
