I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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