He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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