respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there was a trapeze. enough said
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
