Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
