The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
