The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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