my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
