Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
