I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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