I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
