Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My hand turned me down
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
