It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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