Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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