Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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