Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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