i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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