you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
