hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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