Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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