I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
