it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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