Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
