Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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