i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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