As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
