the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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