I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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