I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
