Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
