you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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