I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Help. Why am I so naked?
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