I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
