Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
