Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize