It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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