WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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