I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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