I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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