sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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