in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel