Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
