I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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