It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is Oprah even human
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today