I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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