the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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